Who’s On First… What’s on Second?

Who’s On First? What’s on Second!

Listen to the audio (12 minutes)

Why do you do the things you do? Why do you do the things you do the way you do them?

My recent podcast interview with Dr. Debi Silber titled, Healing from Betrayal Using the Ultimate Life Tool, received a lot of positive attention. I do know, however, that not everyone was able to listen to all 32 minutes of that interview; and perhaps the title may not have appealed to everyone.

Therefore, I thought I would use this post to answer many of the questions I received regarding the tool that my wife Brooke and I have used for years in our marriage, personal life, and our business. The information I am sharing here can be beneficial for any relationship you have, whether it be at home, in social settings or in your work environment.

I invite you to download our eBook, Mastering Self-Love and Finding Peace and Joy in Y.O.U. (Your Own Understanding) as our gift to you. If you choose to take the Ultimate Life Tool assessment, the test fee will include a 20-minute overview of your results (via phone) and a 7-10 page report of your test results. To truly be happy, you need to have self-awareness and understand what makes you tick.

How do you perceive yourself? How do others perceive you?

Understanding your own nature and others around you provides you with an opportunity to enhance relationships with your significant other, children, family, friends, co-workers, employees, and employers. It can also help you attract the relationships you may desire and find fulfilling employment where you will thrive.

Putting this process into practice will unequivocally lead you to a path of true joy, happiness, and fulfillment, with harmonious relationships in all aspects of your life.

The Ultimate Life Tool

The Ultimate Life Tool (ULT), created by Dr. Zannah Hackett, reveals what I refer to as the 5 YOU-tilities. (Y.O.U. is an acronym for Your Own Understanding). The 5 YOU-tilities help us see each other the way we are seen through the eye’s of nature . . . something that our species has lost the ability to do. For some reason, we can see these attributes in everything else on earth. So why not fellow human beings? As Dr. Hackett says, “We have become the blind leading the blind.” It is time to open our eyes and renew our ability to see each other as perfect human beings.

YOU-tility #1

Nature: How do YOU show up in nature? We have all heard the phrase, structure determines function. Heck, I used it every day when I was practicing chiropractic. But what does that mean? Everything on this planet is structured a certain way to function a certain way.

A Ferrari is sleek, low to the ground and aerodynamically brilliant. A Jeep is rugged with large tires and very spacious. I think that we would all agree that a Ferrari is an amazing specimen of a vehicle. However, if you took it on a camping trip, you would think it was the worst car in the world. Would you blame the Ferrari for being so horrible or would you understand that you did not use it correctly? It just was not built for camping! While the Jeep would be great for the camping trip, would you be angry at it for flipping over the first time it took a curve when racing it at the Indy 500? Sounds ridiculous, I know. However, we do this with people, all the time!

Think about trees. If you want shade, you are not going to sit under a cactus, will you? Of course not, you will look for a willow tree. And if you wanted to be in touch with nature and decided to hug the cactus, would you get mad at it when it pricked you with its spikes? If you want a guard dog, are you going to go for the labradoodle or a German Shepard?

With these examples, you can tell the function of each within seconds. How can you tell? Of course, you see them with your eyes.

People are no different. Our physicality (structure) very much determines our best use (function), as well as our strengths and weaknesses. Sure, we can learn to be strong at certain activities, but if they are not natural to us, that extra effort can cause us to drain our energy, fatigue us and negatively affect our entire demeanor. That would be like putting a kayak on top of your Ferrari when you head to the river. You can get away with it once or twice, but eventually your roof will weaken and the foundation will be forever damaged.

If you were a car, what type of vehicle would you be? Are you slender, agile and quick like a Jaguar, or a bulkier car that can carry a heavy load like a Suburban? If you were a bird, would you be lighthearted and fun like a hummingbird? Or maybe you prefer to come out at night and be on watch like an owl. If you were an animal in the wild, would you be strategic, stealthy and calculated like a panther or do you express more regal qualities and lead your pride from the top of a mountain like a lion? We have elements of all these qualities, but some are more pronounced than others. Understanding your true nature reveals what you are, as opposed to who you are.

YOU-tility #2

Drivers: What drives and motivates you? What about your kids?

Personally, I need order and organization in my world. Brooke thrives when she has alone time to recharge (whereas I can go on and on for days), and she is very persistent with accomplishing tasks. Optimism is also a quality of hers, and I learned through the ULT that she thrives when she has something to look forward to. Therefore, I know that telling her ahead of time about something she will love will go much further for me than surprising her. In other words, telling her I bought her jewelry (and giving her time to be excited about it and looking forward to receiving it) will score me more points than simply surprising her. Our son, Zion, has this in common with her.

Some people may be driven by the need to create protection while others have the burning desire to create a huge empire.

The ULT also reveals the propensity for one to be violent when angry, steal when in need and others to stray when they get bored or do not have their needs met. The list goes on and on, but knowing an individual’s drivers and motivators is an essential key to any successful relationship, whether it is at home, at work or anywhere else in life. Also, it is important to understand how you (and others) will act when needs are not being met. With this understanding, you can “feed” yourself and the ones you care about appropriately to create abundant joy. This will help one another thrive and consequently prevent wilting and toxicity that may otherwise damage the relationship.

YOU-tility #3

Refinement: What is your tolerance toward people, places and things? Have you ever been at a party and just felt it wasn’t your atmosphere and needed to leave? The people are nice, there was nothing wrong with them, but you just did not “vibe” with them or the scene. Perhaps the tone was off. Are there people in your life that you can be around 24/7 and never get enough time with them, and others where after 30 minutes you want to get away from them, and maybe even take a shower?

We all have an innate tolerance and threshold to everything in our surroundings, whether living or inanimate. Your home, the clothes and jewelry you wear, the vehicle you drive, the places you visit and even your workspace all have levels of refinement and distinct qualities that you either resonate with or do not. Lack of compatibility with anything around you can cause turmoil and drain you, and it is often the silent killer of relationships.

While innate compatibility does not change, the relationships that are stressed can be improved once we bring understanding of this nuance into our lives. For example, couples can survive (and even thrive) even if they lack compatibility, as long as they are aware of the differences and use tools and strategies to handle their differences.

When raising children, refinement differences can get even more challenging. There are more dishes to do, more clothes on the ground and do not even get me started on the toys all over the house! When one parent has a higher level of refinement than the other, understanding the impact and creating appropriate strategies to mitigate incompatibilities is essential to maintaining a harmonious home.

YOU-tility #4

Connection: How do you learn and download information? How about your kids? How about your boss or employees? We have heard that some people are visual learners while others are auditory; but that is only scratching the surface. To learn, we first must connect, which in turn allows us to open up and “download information.” Connection with ourselves and others requires some nuance and understanding as to what opens us up. Whether it is connecting with a potential new love interest, a family member, a co-worker or a client, the key to opening the door is always available to us, we just need to know which key will fit in which lock.

For some people, the key is being in motion and for others, it must be enjoyable to their senses. For me, I primarily need to be around living things and my wife needs to have something that stimulates her mind. So, I have learned that if she is the living thing that I want to be around, I better say something interesting!

YOU-tility #5

Perception: How do you perceive life and the world around you? Is the cup half-empty? Or maybe cups are not good enough for you because you only want crystal. Perhaps you come off a bit negative, always seeing what is not working first. Or maybe you’re the eternal optimist and it is all rainbows and unicorns. I am one of those positive people who may seem negative at first, but that is because I need to receive all the information, process it, and then react.

Your Operating Manual

There are many useful personality and psychometric tools on the market that companies use for hiring and positioning, and relationship coaches use for couples and families. I enjoy many aspects of some of the most popular ones, including DiSC®, Predictive Index, Strength Finder (CliftonStrengths), The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, and the Enneagram.

However, none of them do what the ULT does. The ULT uses physiometrics, which considers physicality, which none of the others even touch on. The ULT can give those other tests a place to live, meaning, make better sense of the results. For example, if a certain test revealed that the person is good at leading, the ULT will confirm whether leadership is natural to him/her or whether it was a learned skill (that may drain and damage him/her over time like the kayak on the Ferrari). Additionally, it would reveal what type of leader he/she is naturally inclined to be. This is just a tiny sampling as to what the ULT has to offer.

The ULT brings the five YOU-tilities to life and demonstrates the perfection in all of us. When we see each other through the eyes of nature and appreciate our own perfection, we will automatically find ourselves in more fulfilling relationships. It takes work, it takes understanding, it takes desire, it takes love, but most importantly, it takes knowledge.

I recommend that all families have a coach to help navigate this world and help express their authentic selves every day in life. My personal preference would be to hire a coach that uses technology like the ULT that reveals your authenticity!

If you are interested in taking the ULT Assessment, click here. The assessment fee will include a 20-30 minute overview of your results as well as the 7-10 page report after purchasing the ULT.

Our team of practitioners bring this knowledge to help families with:

• Conflict resolution
• Teens in crisis
• Understanding how their child learns and downloads information
• Sibling rivalry
• Child behavioral issues
• Parent-child interactions
• Chores & activities that help their child thrive

They bring this knowledge to help couples with:

• Marital success strategies
• Parenting as a team (whether they are together as a couple or not)
• Conflict resolution
• Affair proofing the relationship
• Understanding their mate
• Learning how to help and support each other to thrive as individuals and together
• Premarital advisement

They bring this knowledge to individuals with:

• Career discovery
• Dating/attracting the right spouse or partner
• Creating and nurturing lifelong friendships
• Learning what “makes them tic”
• Divorce recovery
• Single parenting
• Overcoming barriers
• Stress management
• Learning styles for education

They bring this knowledge to consult with businesses and organizations to help:

• Bottom line increases, including profit
• Hiring the right person and proper position placement
• Reduced turnover
• Retention of key staff
• Conflict resolution
• Improved performance of teams and executives to increase the effectiveness of the organization
• Improved relationships among peers, subordinates and management
• Improved communication and focus on customer service
• Building a foundation of success by utilizing team members’ natural talents

If you enjoyed this week’s Wellness Wiki, please share it with others and be sure to subscribe to this blog and to our YouTube channel so you never miss a message that may change your life or that of your family. Until next time, I look forward to helping you and your family live your DREAM, every day!